Sometimes I think about my future
And I dream about falling in love again But then I see your eyes And you're smiling at me And nothing else in the world seams to matter But then I remember the last time I saw you And the way you looked at me With hatred and disgust And my heart is broken all over again Carter Chase August 14th 2017
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I've recently been asked multiple times by men of wisdom and instruction,
"What do you want people to say about you when you die? What do you want said at your funeral?" These questions are presently influencing my thoughts, and recently I have been asking myself, "What kind of man am I, and what kind of man do I want to be." For what matter does it have to me when I die what people will say about me, But what is important to me is that my life gives others hope and encouragement. The only thing worth leaving behind is love. For where I am going the cups are overflowing, but the people of earth are thirsty for something beyond. I believe that the proportion of a man's heart is scaled by the love he shares with others and not by the things he does to satisfy himself. I hope when I die, that my heart is big enough to go around to those left behind. Carter Chase April 7th 2017 As I meditate over the acknowledgement of the man I have become,
I see I have become a slave, to both heaven and hell. I am constantly being summoned, to perform their tasks, to bring glory to their cities. The bell rings by the hour, yet my decisions do not always come as so. I often feel trapped between desires, that come from both ends of a rope, being pulled in opposite directions. My past has deceived me, for that glory has withered like grass and melted like snow from the heat of the day, a temporary season that has past away. Knowledge takes away from what I believed was important as a fool, and at times gives truth of what is eternal. I grieve. I grieve over the truth that many fail to seek what is from above. They are slaves to hell, as I once was, and as I time and time again choose to be, with my foolish actions and selfish desires for instant satisfaction. The decisions that are made will shape a man into who he will become, and his choices will reveal who he is. I pray for wisdom to have the strength to choose what is best, And for the courage to follow through. Carter Chase March 12th 2017 My mind is obsessed with the idea of
Possible reconciliation. I love more than I'd like to And less than I desire to. I stumble over the need to be praised For simply existing. My pride is the antagonist of my life Coming from a place not of God But of evil. The ways of this world have pushed me And I've fallen into what I am appose to Because my stance was not a strong foundation And my strength alone was not enough. I've cried out and listened..... and listened And truth heard me And has been knocking on the door of my soul. I have been nervous to answer In fear of my weaknesses being exposed. Too stubborn to realize that the light is needed To reveal what requires healing. Why have I prayed for truth but ran from it when it arrived? I now see that pride has once again Stirred up the fight And selfishness has been it's ally. My alliance lies with the Lord For I am weak but He is strength and all powerful. I will do my best to stand by His side For with Him... I can not lose But without Him... I have already lost. Carter Chase February 14th, 2017 The twisted ways of this world.
Many people unknowingly accepted that the value and status that is given to them online is who they truly are. But the reality is, that they're only showing what they want people to think they are. If your identify is found in looking for others approval, you have become a slave to those people, and don't know your own identity. If a woman looks in the mirror and sees them self and is pleased, but soon after walking away wonders how she looks, the lack of confidence is proof of a lack of character. Forget about approval on the outside and be who you truly are. A good friend will take you as you are, But a selfish person will take you for what you have to offer. Carter Chase Jan.8th 2017 Parked at such an interesting place in my life.
A sacrifice I made out of love, had brought me to a place of pain and suffering for quite a while, but I have come to a new place of growth and the will to succeed, to behold where I was previously in the direction of. As I analyze the situations surrounding me from different angles, I've realized that the decisions I make and have to continue to make, need to come from goodness and love within me instead of the selfishness and evil desires stirring in my heart. The battle against myself has been harder than ever and is not always won, but the will to do good and to share love, instead of seeking revenge and power, has been tattooed on my heart. The desires are still in me, but I will fight the sinful nature of mankind that is constantly attacking the weaknesses in the fortress of my mind, so that I will not become a slave to it. Carter Chase Jan.6th 2017 Hell is rising,
Torment flooding out my essence. Blinded by a broken heart, Desire for a healing, And to have peace with the lost. I hear demons whisper pain, And see selfish consumers butt in line. I'm tired of this world, A place where I don't belong, Where no one understands me. I feel trapped in my mind. I'm supposedly gifted and tallented, They say I'm attractive and a leader, But I feel no love from others , And that is the only gift that matters. I am consistently looking for peace And praying to the God that I go to out of guilt and in need of healing. I can no longer hide the truth that is from below. Evil has showed it's face to me And the devil has shook my hand, Although I denied it. I have become overwhelmed with the ways of the world. I choose to go the other direction, But I'm sucked in, by a vortex of illusions Tricks of lure By a master magician Casting his darks arts To deceive my mind Trying to drag me down into destruction. A repetition of getting on my feet I'll never back down, Even when I can't I will not let my fate be decided by my opponent. I'm a man A son of God And I will prevail. Blessed But also cursed, With wisdom beyond my years A fool I have become, Through my own perception of who I am. Humbled by the magnificent glory of God And belittled by the grand scale of the unknown. My emotions have escaped my control And happiness has become a rare and precious breed to me of present moments that are tossed by the waves. I count the times I smile, But I don't remember the last. I smirk often Only to impress, But what have I to show: ...Art! The answer of a freak, An outcast, Alien, Abstract mind. I express the flow of energy within me, Mixed with my understanding of the spiritual realm. I call myself a Christian But I am not like the others. I'm done hiding the truth about evil. I will no longer submit to the pressure of always watering all people. I now consider that uprooting is necessary at times, And that weeds need to be desposed of. I'll try to keep on keeping on, In hopes of eternal happiness and love in the future . But I'll strive to live in the moment Because the future will never come If the present is ignored. Carter Chase Dec.23 2016 |
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December 2017
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